Not sure how to Blog

I've never written with the intention of sharing it with people other than myself and my professors. English teachers taught me to write with an audience in mind, and I did, but I knew they'd never read it. So if you're reading this, bare with me; I'm new at this whole public thing. I don't know how to write for you, yet.

My roomie, Sherry, told me to write about what's on my mind....

Several instances have occurred lately in my life and in the lives of those close to me that have made me wonder what causes people to be stuck in a horrible rut resulting in their inability to do better? In my life it is fear and I assume it is the same for many others.

I love my job right now. As most know, I work for a non-profit organization that provides services to people with developmental disabilities. Not to sound arrogant, but I am good at my job. I love that it changes each day and I love the relationships I continue to build with my clients. They are truly incredible people and a population that I was so clearly clueless about before I began last July. I am confident in my job. Despite all of my confidence, I fear I won't find a job in the desert that I'll be qualified for and if I do, I fear I won't be good at it. I frantically search through job postings each day on Craigslist and Careerbuilder hoping and praying that one will catch my eye. Often times I do find an interesting listing and I typically follow that find by belittling my experience, telling myself that I couldn't possibly be what they are looking for. It is simple. I am comfortable in my current employment. I am comfortable with my clients and my boss. I fear the unknown. I don't know what my new job will be, I don't know the population I will serve and I don't know the people I will be working for. It scares me. The fact that I am aware of my fear makes it a little less paralyzing. I know I'll grow into whatever position I find.

Moving to the desert is definitely a different life than I pictured about a month ago, but I like it. I do not want to give the impression that I am at all skeptical about moving away. That is not the issue. It is wonderful to know I am marrying a man who will undoubtedly love, care and protect me. For that, I do not fear. I simply fear my ability, but of course, deep down I know I am capable of far more than I give myself credit. I just need to believe in myself more often...like he does.